I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
