His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
