I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
