He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
