I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
