He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
