can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
