So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
