dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
