my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
