it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
