you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize