When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
