i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize