you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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