Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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