he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
