Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
even my farts smell like vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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