I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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