I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
