Will you blow on my dice?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
