I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
