I got chris browned last night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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