Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
