I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
