Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
