I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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