i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
