Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
