Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
