Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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