Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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