hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
