Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
