she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Even my vagina gasped.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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