shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
