One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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