Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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