Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
