someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
