Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize
