Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
