drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
