It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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