Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
