He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
