I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
