3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
