god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
