We're facebook friends in real life
how can u be prego again
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
