Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
