The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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