My brain says no but my pants say off.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize