If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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