I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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