I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
