i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
