just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
