Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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