So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
