I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
