That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
