she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
