At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
