she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
