I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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