I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
