where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
